{"id":12260,"date":"2026-06-08T07:33:53","date_gmt":"2026-06-08T07:33:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/culturalleft.org\/cl\/2026\/06\/08\/my-diagnosis-was-a-blessing-composer-sally-beamish-on-tackling-the-condition-that-ruined-every-joyful-memory-culture-the-guardian\/"},"modified":"2026-06-08T07:33:53","modified_gmt":"2026-06-08T07:33:53","slug":"my-diagnosis-was-a-blessing-composer-sally-beamish-on-tackling-the-condition-that-ruined-every-joyful-memory-culture-the-guardian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/culturalleft.org\/cl\/2026\/06\/08\/my-diagnosis-was-a-blessing-composer-sally-beamish-on-tackling-the-condition-that-ruined-every-joyful-memory-culture-the-guardian\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018My diagnosis was a blessing\u2019: composer Sally Beamish on tackling the condition that ruined every joyful memory Culture | The Guardian"},"content":{"rendered":"

As she prepares to mark 70 with a birthday concert, the musician talks about her destructive mindset \u2013 and the steps she took to finally make sense of her life and music\u2019s part in it<\/p>\n

It was 2023. The holiday of a lifetime, in Australia, had begun, after two weeks at the Australian festival of chamber music, in which I\u2019d played viola in several of my own works. I had fretted about this for months, not really believing that I could stand up as a soloist and deliver. Even as a full-time viola-player in the 80s, I avoided solo playing \u2013 always feeling more at home in larger chamber groups. But as my husband Peter and I set off on our holiday, I was euphoric. I had performed with the marvellous young pianist Joseph Havlat<\/a>, with the legendary accordionist James Crabb<\/a> and virtuoso trumpeter David Elton<\/a> \u2013 and all had gone well.<\/p>\n

But then came a horrible realisation: I had not asked for the concerts to be recorded. This had been a moment in my life that would never be repeated. And I hadn\u2019t captured it. I sank into despair. The fact that this is a pattern in my thinking didn\u2019t make it any less painful: the more wonderful the event, the more likely I am to find regrets to attach to it. It is a destructive mindset I have learned to live with, but for years I had no idea why my head seemed compelled to ruin every joyful memory.<\/p>\n

Continue reading…<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n

Read More<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As she prepares to mark 70 with a birthday concert, the musician talks about her destructive mindset \u2013 and the steps she took to finally make sense of her life and music\u2019s part in it It was 2023. 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