The book is a call to arms—and women are enraged (Photo: X/ @ElBeardsley)
“I want this book to sound the alarm about the prevalence of chemical submission in France and around the world,” writes Caroline Darian.
Caroline must have thought about “chemical submission” more than virtually anyone on the planet. That’s because her parents are Gisele and Dominique Pelicot, and Caroline wants more attention on how drugs are used to facilitate abuse. Part memoir, part call to arms, her book “I’ll Never Call Him Dad Again” mostly focuses on the aftermath of finding out about Dominique Pelicot’s crimes.
As is now documented, Dominique Pelicot orchestrated a series of rapes inside his family home. He drugged his wife into a state of unconsciousness, invited men he had met on the internet to rape her and filmed the abuse.
Caroline’s book is an uncompromising look at how discovering such horror was like an explosion in her family. It fleshes out the ways in which the drugging impacted on Gisele’s life. Gisele and her children went to a number of neurological specialists to understand why she couldn’t account for blocks of time.
Gisele stopped driving because the memory loss made her feel unsafe on the roads. Her ability to care for her grandchildren was questioned because she couldn’t always account for time. Other entries point to events that are so horrific they almost make the reader want to look away.
For instance, Caroline writes that as the investigation went on, it was revealed that Dominique organised for Gisele to be raped for five hours at Caroline’s holiday home. Or the time that, Gisele “fell asleep” for the eight-hour drive from holiday to home. Dominique had drugged her with her morning coffee, so perpetrators could rape her at the motorway service stations.
She recalled one instance, when she was nine—“My father grabbed the collar of my mother’s blouse, hauling her off her feet and slamming her against the bathroom wall. I was sure then she wanted to leave. Later on, after another act of violence, that’s exactly what she did.”
Gisele has achieved almost icon-like status in France and beyond. Her decision that court proceedings be held in public has been a powerful insistence that “shame must change sides”. Despite this world-wide profile, she has revealed very little publicly about her life, choosing only to speak in short statements outside the Avignon court house.
Beyond the mission of providing more context and detail around life of the Pelicots, Caroline’s book looks at the crime of “chemical submission”.
Drugging someone without their consent, usually with the intent to sexually assault someone should be taken more seriously, says Caroline. Virtually nothing is understood about this crime on a national level, despite drugs being a “rapist’s favourite weapon”, Caroline writes.
It’s most likely to happen at home. And it’s most likely to be dealt out using drugs found in the average medicine cabinet, such as sleeping pills or allergy medicine.
Caroline is also fighting for better support for victims and survivors, as she discusses how little support Gisele was given in the aftermath. “Although the police had organised a short session for my mother with an in-house psychologist, no other medical follow-up has been offered,” she writes.
Too often the police ignore or dismiss women’s reports of abuse, with officers often themselves being perpetrators.
Caroline has founded the charity M’endors Pas (Don’t Put Me Under) which focuses on better support and training for professionals. One of her central campaigns is pushing for “women’s centres” which are attached to hospitals and offer specialist support, of which a few already exist.
“Whether or not female victims obtain competent, professional support and are put in touch with the organisations best equipped to help them shouldn’t be a lottery, a question of sheer luck or social standing.
“The way things are now, it’s the victim who has to take the initiative, and all too often help is inaccessible. We take the walking wounded and abandon them in front of an obstacle course,” Caroline wrote.
The horrific abuse that Dominique Pelicot enacted is a product of a sexist system that shapes people’s view of women, often normalising violence against them.
I’ll Never Call Him Dad Again is a powerful intervention in the fight against injustice.
